I worked in the corporate world in senior roles for around 20 years. As a young woman, I had dreams of climbing the corporate ladder, being amazing at my job and earning lots of money.
Off I went, trudging along the path to so-called power and success. With it came financial independence, a great sense of achievement, respect and lots of pats on the back for doing it all on my own. I was that strong woman who had it all. The more people validated this, the more I played out that persona.
Driven by my masculine energy
My behaviours were led by my masculine energy, the part of me that drives me forward, wants to take action, be strong, structured and driven by goals.
I managed large teams and I felt a huge need to always be in control. I worked consistently long hours, thrived on adrenalin and ran from meeting to meeting, my ego bursting with pride every time I gained a promotion and a bigger salary.
This energy spilled over into my personal life. My diary was full, my social calendar was hectic and I would get tetchy if there was a blank weekend. I was always DOING.
I wore my busy-ness as a badge of honour even though I was tired. If I wasn’t achieving, I was uncomfortable. My inner critic would come forward and whisper in my ear that I should be doing more, that winners don’t get lazy and success only happens when you strive.